A friend once asked me why I choose to write or blog if I don't have any readers. I answered him with an eyebrow raised. People write for different reasons (as a Communication Major, he should know that). Some choose to write blogs for affirmation a some simply choose to write for self-expression. I, for one, write for release. Nothing else. If you are one of those VERY FEW people who have been reading my blogs since 2004, you would notice that I usually post entries when I need to rant or when something eventful happens. So, there.

I guess I've had that need to write things down since forever. When I was a kid, I used to own journals. Anything and everything that happened to me back then is documented in those pages. I never held back. The thought of being able to write freely without people judging my thought made me feel at ease. So I wrote and wrote and wrote until I filled up five thick notebooks with rants and rambles of my day-to-day escapades.

But I guess writing privately had its cons too. I never had the guts to tell or show others how I really feel. Always hiding behind the pages of my journals, listening and observing during class debates when I had so much to say, even shutting up during class recitation sessions when I was too afraid to be judged by the world. I couldn't stand up to people. I had this feeling that my thoughts and ideas were invalid and simply unworthy of affirmation from the people around me.

Then one day, my mom found my journals. Read all my entries, from day one up to the present. All my secrets, fantasies (oh yes, there were a lot), rants, escapades, sins, etc. were exposed to one person. This made me feel so bare and violated. I stopped writing ever since.

Yet, here I am today, writing-typing-ranting away again. What made me write after all those years? I really don't know. Even after the self-psychoanalysis, I can't seem to figure out the trigger to me expressing myself again. I guess the need to write was just too strong and I couldn't hold back anymore. Or maybe I couldn't find any other outlet that could make me feel free.

Whatever it was, I'm glad it happened. The fear of judgment was overcome by the need to express. I can finally write again. After all those year...

3:56 PM | 2 comments