So I did a “little” stalking, yet again. It wasn’t my intention to do so, mind you. I was simply bored, so I checked out his profile. Followed some links to different profiles. And there I found an ex. One of the so-called “few”. So I clicked. And looked. And found a multiply site. And in this site, I found blog posts - ones that made me cringe like crazy and caused my utterly miserable insomnia right now.

And here I am at this point, where the ultimate question is, yet again, hanging over my head without any answers - Is this real? Rather, is any of it real? I hate this feeling and I hate being in this position. Yes, in the past, stalking did me good. I deliberately stalked my ex with the hope of finding answers to my pile of unanswered questions. And indeed, the universe gave me what I asked for. Answers. Eventually found out that my ex-boyfriend was (and still is, I suppose) a “sex addict” who flirts with, sleeps with, and collects girls. And to top it all, he had multiple girlfriends, including me and his ex-girlfriends, at the same time. Top that, assholes.

Anyway, I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine who “tried” to assured me that everything’s fine and that whatever I’m stalking is part of the past, yada yada. I told that to myself the last time I was in this situation, but look where it got me.

The funny thing is, all the rants of the ex about how he is are the same rants I have about him being my boyfriend now. Which is also what bothers me, seeing that post.

I guess the best thing to do at this point is to talk to him about whatever I found out tonight. It would probably make me look like a freaky stalker, but hell, I saw what I saw and I read what I read. And I need answers. 

Funny how history can repeat itself. I just hope I didn’t just dig myself a hole I’d fall into again.