I just had this sudden realization... My current relationship with J isn't just going in circles; it's going downhill. I can see the same fucked up pattern that my relationships took in the past. With A, with J (the ex)... In the beginning, it was sooooo okay. Then it got stagnant. That was understandable. But at this same point, I get to see sides of the person I'm with and actually think if this is what I want to deal with for the rest of my life.

Had a chat with a good friend over the phone two nights ago. Told me I had this need to "fix" people.  And that all the guys I end up with are either weird or undeniably damaged. I can't help it. I attract people who are "damaged" and I am, at the same time, attracted to them. I need to do a little research...

 So... after doing a little research (Yes, a huge pause in the middle of the post. Tee-hee.), I came across a few blogs by women who claim to have this weird attraction to so-called "damaged goods". (See blog post here.) Interesting to know that other women actually fall for the same guys as I do.

 I tend to go for the "Spock" guys. I mean good men, smart men, who at first get off on how emotional and spontaneous and fun I am. They enjoy the chase and the game, but once they've got me hooked, they return to their previously scheduled life and expect that I'll be there, because I've professed and shown love for them. I mean, they really are good men, but maintaining a relationship always falls somewhere below work and self actualization, such as furthering their education, working on their spirituality etc. They tend toward perfectionism and always have a reasonable justification about why I fall low on their list of priorities. - Wolvenchick

Do I expect too much? Am I such a relationship drag that I always have this need to be put on their list of priorities? Don't get me wrong. J's a good man. A good boyfriend, in fact. But sometimes, I just have this craving for attention and I simply do not know how to ask for it. He has other priorities. I get it. He has his job (which takes up most of his time), his family (I can't argue with this one), his "me-time", etc. Oh, well.

Reading that blog of his ex, though, made me think. He was like that before. These were the same reasons why the girl left him in the first place. He promised her a future. A good life. The M word always came up. But no. Plans remained plans. No movement. Stagnant. When he talks, he rambled about anything and everything for a good thirty minutes, and he doesn't even notice that the people he talks to drift away from the conversation already. The ex calls him a "narcissistic immature ass". Ouch there.

 "Maybe because you put up with things like that more than others would."  

Maybe. Maybe I'm too accepting when I'm in love. Maybe my tolerance for "damaged people" is high, given that I deal with kids and those with special needs all the time. Then again, who isn't damaged? Hmm...

Eveyone has issues. When two people are brought together by either fate or sheer coincidence, they are forced to deal with each other's issues and differences. And what makes successful relationships work isn't the lack of issues and arguments but the ability of both "damaged" people to sort and work things out the best way they can.

At this point, all I can do is write (rather, type) things down. It's therapeutic. Like I don't have to do anything, but it makes me feel okay.

P.S. I just realized how bipolar this post sounds. :))

Labels: damaged, J, research

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